At long last love.....LOST!

Well, I cannot sleep, so I guess the next best thing is to blog. I am warning you now, this is really me just trying to put my emotions in writing and rant a little, so I can better understand them,you have been warned. I am feeling so up in the air right now, the last three weeks, have not only been awesome, but a time I shall never forget, for the first time in 3 years, I felt loved, by someone who really cared. Unfortunetly I turned out to be very wrong. The most annoying part is it all fell apart for reasons I do not entirely understand, but what else in new in relationships. I know that God has a reason for everything, and I totally trust in him, but for me to love, or to trust people is not something I do easily. So I do not trust, or fall in and out of love easily or quickly, but it just seemed so right, that I threw caution to what I thought was the Lords will, and the rest is now as they say history. Lately I have been trying so hard to just give it up to God, to totally trust him and whatever happens, happens, just accept him as my God, and guide in life. So when I met someone in a coincidence of fate, who broke my barrier, and asked me out, taking me, A. Not only by suprise, but B. That it just felt right (oh, emotions, head shake double time). I was like, yeah, this feels right, God is trying to tell me, maybe I need to re-assess my absolutely positively no datiing, and definetly no trusting people, or opening my heart, because I suck at it, and statistically relationships dont just fail they crash, burn and leave no survivors. And I know it is silly to try to analyze anything emotional statistically, but I do I am anxious, I think alot of stupid and totally irrational things, its what we do,and this is my rant so get over it.But against better judgement I, ever so hesitantly broke every rule that has protected me, and what little trust I have left, because I thought I had met someone who I thought accepted me for me, and who understood me, and cared about me, and who most importantly showed what I thought was compassion, and love and turned out to be nothing more than almost a science experiment. So now I am back in the world of rejection, and I know that God did this for a reason, but it still hurts to feel rejected, and have something so wonderful and then like Lucy pulling the ball away from Charlie Brown just before he is about to kick it, I am flat on my back and dazed, and after Lucy has done that so many times, thinking, why the hell does Charlie Brown keep doing that to himself. And why do I keep doing this to myself. I guess it is one of the hazards of life, and trusting people, so unless God has another plan, but the hardest thing is that my trust meter is burned out, so I am like I said just up in the air free falling, and thinking, here is to the next 3 years, maybe by then I will rebuild enough courage, or insanity to trust someone else. Does anyone else really feel like screaming right now?