The disconnect of the reconnect

In my walk with Christ there are many hard things, in my life of school there are hard things, in the walk with myself there seem like impossible things. I sometimes look around me and see people, and immediately start to analyze, people, at times without realizing it, except in the training of a Psychologist, we are trained to diagnose problems, not to determine, and for the most part we observe normal people to find their weaknesses, mainly to see the very things we see wrong with ourselves. It is almost a humbling mechanism for me, to bring me back. Realize I on my high horse of understanding and being able to start to comprehend the state of mind, I am just as if not more crazy than they are, but at the same time, in all our knowledge we can never overcome our greatest adversary of our own inadequacies. For me the greatest recently has been a challenge of place, especially in my faith, and balancing it with life and school. I sometimes get this isolationist mood, where I just feel like I am alone and I am the only one who understands, because I admit I push myself harder than I should, it is who I am. I have to give the 150% all the time otherwise I feel like I am accomplishing nothing. But I have recently brought that down, but with my illness a couple weeks ago, I fell behind and it was an uphill battle on an escalator heading down to catch up. For this reason with the recovery I have been trying to push myself, yet not too hard, which is a virtual impossibility, and so of course the recovery has been slow, and it seems my minutes and seconds seem to never be enough. In this time a couple of previously mentioned issues with my faith has come up, and recently I have felt kind of just in limbo. I couldn't quite identify it, it was just like I was always two steps behind myself. To add to it, I have been in a hard place in finding where do I belong, especially in my faith, it seems the hardest part of my life is that I have never had a place, or a group that I truly belong, I more exist, if I come I am welcome, but am never truly a connected part, this is ongoing with me, but it just has been kind of lonely lately, not so much of a physical nature but more emotional, especially with God, because it is not like I don't do God stuff, I do tons of stuff with Bible studies, serving churches, going to church, and church groups, but I was running the actions, I was running around him, without actually sitting down and talking to him.
Last night I found out I am not alone in at least one of these things, at UteNited I heard someone who I saw as “Spiritually Invincible” (I know none of us are, but I have a tendency to sometimes give people that realizing they are human, but always just connected), admit that even they sometimes just start running the course, and doing all the stuff, but forget to maintain a close connection to God, and become a bit detached. And suddenly I was like, LIGHT BULB, and I realized I was so busy running around God, that I forgot to stop and commune with God. It was awesome and I never got a chance to thank him that night, because it shifted my paradigm, I felt that much less alone in this universe, I wasn't the only who feels disconnected. It was kinda freeing.
At this moment I am once again reminded that God is always there, especially in the tough times just knocking and waiting, and loving, and still there to help, just waiting for us to even just give a wisp of needing his help, for him just dump blessings. Yes God is that AWESOME.