Amazing Grace

I just woke up from yet another night terror, not unusual as of late. I was shaking and the anxiety was such that I wanted to do anything to make it stop. So to try and calm down I turned on my ipod, it was set on shuffle, and it landed on the Rock Church Revolution II album, Amazing Grace, and I heard the words: Amazing grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me. I once was lost but now I am found, was blind but now I see.As I listened to those words a sudden sense that someone was holding me, as a parent would hold their child, and a sense of calm rushed over me. Recently I have felt so alone, so unworthy of anything life has left to offer. Yet in my darkest hours God has run to my rescue, he has not only extended his hand, but wrapped his arms around me and shielded me. I am at a time in my life where everyone I have truly trusted has turned against me, and yet one hand is and has always been outstreched, and in this moment God saw my pain and stopped reaching and ran to me, even before I had time to call to him. His love and grace is so sufficient that he knows when we need him, he will always have an outsteched hand for us, waiting for us to grab on when we need him, but he is so much more he is our father and God and when we cannot reach him he will run to us. I am so grateful for such a great God. I do not just hear those words I feel them, I mean I cannot express the joy God has given me, even in the most dark of times, I lack nothing that I need. He gives me trials, but no more than I deserve and can handle and in the end I have a place to live and food to eat, and one thing I have not had in a while real friends who not only listen, but accept me, even when I am me, an arrogant, sarcastic, smart ass who pushes everyone away. I wish I could say that I would change, but I am afraid, cynical, sarcastic, and emotionally defensive is who I have become, and has protected me in the last couple of years. After I calmed down, I opened my computer to write this, and I noticed I had left it on the youtube video, Lifehouse Everything Skit, which is inspiring to me, because it embodies me and shows how my life went, I became so obsessed with all those things from relationships, to money, to alcohol, drugs, fashion, anything that would bring me peace, or the world told me I needed to be happy. And in the end they did, but only for small moments ,even as by the worlds standards I had everything, I felt like I had nothing, when it all came down to it I questioned the reasoning to even keep existing. Then I found Christ and his amazing grace, or rather he ran to me, and lifted me up, dragging me until I have the strength to stand on my own and walk with him at my side. I dont know if anyone will ever read this, and usually I would never write this, but God is and has been so great I just feel I need to write how good he is, even if it is just for me to remember later.